Catching Feelings

Hey! Yes, you! Remember me? I used to be your friend. I used to be the one who supports you in all things. The one who act weird just to make you happy when you are sad. The one who always tell you positive things when your thoughts are negative. You ask me why I do these things? It is because we’re best friends. We talk every single time. We make fun of small things and laugh like a child.

You are one of the people I treasure because I feel comfortable when I’m with you. I told myself that “What is me without you?” I think I’ll always be that girl who has low self- esteem. You are one of the persons who motivates me in all things, that is why you are so important to me.

I might say that I’m so lucky to have you. But as time goes by, my expectation is killing me. I know there are things that are not meant for me. Yes, It’s a big mistake. It’s a big mistake to feel in love with your best friend. It’s a big mistake that I like you more than what you think. I told you about it because I trust you so much. I was so scared when you find out about my feelings for you. I’m so scared that maybe you will change. But then you told me that no matter what, nothing will ever change. You are still my best friend who cares about me. Yes, you are.

But now, you are not. You have changed. You have changed a lot. It’s like a blink of an eye. It’s like a bubble that suddenly pops. It makes me confuse if you still care about me or you just care because I still do the same for you. You left without saying anything. You left without saying goodbye. You left me alone like a balloon just floating in the air. I really felt angry at you but I can’t say bad things to you because I don’t want to hurt your feelings. Sorry if I’m too kind, that’s my habit.

People change and we know that. You’ve been part of my life for how many years. It’s impossible to build trust into a person who hurt you, right? But what can I do, I treasure our friendship more than my feelings. I understand you. Hopefully, you understand me.

Falling in love is not an easy thing. It’s like you are jumping on a cliff and falling deep into the water hoping that someone will save you from drowning. And I hope that someone is you because you taught me how to be brave. You taught me how to be a better person.

I’ll take you as my lesson. I’ll take you as one of the people who inspires me to live my life happily. Thank you for valuing me at my worst and respecting me with my best. Life must go on and I’m starting to move on.

Everything happens for a reason. Yeah, someone thought me that and you know it’s you. Damn you! you know why? I really hate this feeling of falling in love with the person who taught you to be brave, to be strong and to fall in love. Knowing that you will never stay forever.

                                                                    By: Nica Jenx

“Feelings never do make sense. They get you all confused. Then they drive you around for hours before they drop you right back where you started.” – Blair Wolf

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